His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
