I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
