I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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