My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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