put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
