I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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