Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
