I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Found your dick twin last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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