i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
