If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
