she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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