I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
