His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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