I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
