Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
