Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
