just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
