I feel great
I just peed on a car
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
