Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
