I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
