but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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