I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
