I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
