my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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