Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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