Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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