There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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