I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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