Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
