I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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