Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
