it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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