Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Let's paint friendship bongs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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