I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
