We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
