so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
