i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
