Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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