it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
