so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
