Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
