last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
