what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
