the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
