I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
