I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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