You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
