dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
