I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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