i would punch a child for taco bell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
