I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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