I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
