My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
try to milk me bitch
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